Untill Death Do We Start
by tarna
Summary: Light goes to vistit L's grave and realises too late he loved L. Or was it too late? Anyway I hate summaries so read the story because it is better than it sounds. warning: LxLight yaoi, spoilers and this ends the horrible summary.:P
1. Chapter 1: the Visit

_This is my first fan fiction so go easy on me. There may be spoilers if you haven'__t seen episode 20 somethingth I forget. Anyway enjoy the story R&R._

_'this' thought_

_"this" spoken_

**Chapter 1: the Visit**

'Maybe I should just go home' thought Light as he struggled against the depression that surrounded the graveyard and himself.

'Visiting _his _grave will cause me nothing but pain' he thought as he headed toward the lone grave. The grave of the man who's death he was responsible for. The grave of his best friend. Of his worst enemy. Of his one true love.

He knew that the death god, Ryuk, was behind him. He also knew he very much wanted to be alone. "Ryuk" he said as he reached the grave, _his _grave. "Would you leave me alone?"

"Okay" said Ryuk indifferently turning to leave but not before he saw Light fall to his knees shaking with the force of his sobs. Ryuk left thinking that he should leave or he would never get apples again.

'Why did I come here' Light thought 'how can I still breathe when _he _no longer can.' Raito tried in vain to hold back the tears of despair, of loss.

'Why did I _kill_' the word brought on another wave of despair, 'my only real friend when he trusted me'

"How could I kill you...? Ryuzaki" the words he said, the name he said, tore shreds through the mangled mess that was his heart. He fought against the blackness and despair that threatened to engulf him but it was stronger.

He couldn't fight anymore so he curled into a ball on his side and let the grief have him.

'How could I do this' repeated over and over in his head.

There he fell into an uneasy sleep, curled up next to the grave of an angel, of the one he killed of the only one he would ever love.

END CHAPTER 1

**Yay the first chapter is up**** happy dance. I know this chapter in a little dark but the next chapter is brighter. Please review if you want to see the next chapter I need at least one review. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2: the Dream

**Note: I do not own Death Note but you already know my opinion of what I would do if it was but it****'s not so on with the story.**

**'this' thought**

**"this" spoken**

**Chapter 2: the Dream**

Light knew right away he was probably dreaming. For one thing he had no idea where he was, all he knew was there were cherry blossoms everywhere. The fact he had no clue where he was probably would mattered to him more if it weren't for the other reason he was sure he was dreaming. The other reason being L was sitting on a bench next to him.

"Why are you here...Why am I here...Where is here... How can you be here when I... How could I have...?" Light stuttered incoherently for a while obviously shocked.

"You are in fact asleep but I am not a creating of your imagination, I am actually here" explained L looking like he had something he really wanted to say.

"I don't know how to tell you but I want you to know..." began both boys at once."Why don't you go first Light" suggested L.

"Ok, but I don't know how to say this so I'll start from the beginning." Said Light "Before you ... died I thought the only thing I felt for you was dislike, that the best thing that could happen between us was your death. But holding you there in my arms cold, lifeless, never to talk to you, never to see you again, that was torture. It much worse that I was the cause of you death, infinitely worse. It was then, after the light was gone from your eyes, that I discovered, far too late, that I love you."

"In fact the only thing that prevented me from writing my own name in the death note that first day was that I probably wouldn't be in the same place as you. Actually I came to your grave with every intent to kill myself then and there." Light took a breath and continued "These past two weeks have been excruciatingly painful, to get up everyday, to breath, to eat, to live when all I wanted was an end to my existence no matter where it took me. All I hoped was that I could see you one last time and tell you I love you and I'm sorry, for everything." Light finished and took a deep breath.

"I wanted to tell you something too" began Ryuzaki "I want you to know that I always knew you were Kira but I had hoped that you weren't, you were my only friend and I loved you. I knew you were Kira, I knew you wanted me dead, and I knew your whole plan. Its sort of strange that I would rather be murdered by the person I love than turn him in as a sadistic homicidal maniac." admitted Ryuzaki.

"Love is irrational" stated Light. "I'm not done" said L gently "the other thing I wanted to tell you was that I forgive you for killing me and I will always love you."

"I love you too." Light hadn't realized he was crying until Ryuzaki wiped the tears off his face. "You don't have to worry about not seeing me again" said L correctly identifying the reason for the tears. I will be in your dreams every night" he promised.

"I hate myself for doing this to you. I don't think I …could ever… forgive myself...I..." that's when Light realized he was sobbing onto Ryuzaki's shoulder. Light tried to control the sobs but he couldn't. He felt a gentle rubbing in the middle of his back and a hand on his head. 'Ryuzaki is comforting me even after all I put him through. Even though it's my fault he's dead.' thought Light. It sounded impossible even to him.

After awhile Light got a hold of himself and tried to sit back up but L wouldn't loosen his hold. "How can you still love me?" asked Light giving up on trying to sit up and leaning against L's shoulder. "Even after all I put you through. Even after I k..." he had to take a deep breath. "Even after I killed you."

L took a moment to answer "I love you and will always love you. The way I feel about you will never change." L kissed the top of Light's head.

"So, how much cake have you eaten because you smell like strawberries?" teased Light. L laughed and smiled "I'd rather not disclose that information" he said playfully.

They set in silence for awhile each lost in their own thoughts. Light was the one to break the silence. "What are you thinking about?" Light's voice seemed to drag L back to the present. "Huh, oh. Just what would happen if the death notes didn't exist. Wondering if we would have ever met." said L.

"We may have because I was going to join the police so we might have worked on a case together." Light pondered that feeling that the chances were slim. "The chances are just over 14" said L, 'I swear he can read minds'

"You're about to be woken up." said Ryuzaki unexpectedly and sounding depressed "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." said Light also sounding depressed and very unwilling to leave.

"Ok, bye, I guess." said L instantly his depression deepened at the fact Light would soon be leaving. They both stood and Light turned to talk to L. It was just after the turn was completed that L kissed him. It was a simple kiss just a gentle brushing of lips, but when L pulled back it was his turn to be surprised. Light kissed L back but this kiss was a more passionate open mouthed kiss.

END CHAPTER 2

**Me: ****Yay new chapters out but it may be a while until I update again because I am still working on chapter 3, I have a huge case of writers block so sorry I didn't update. Please review and I will make L & Light hug you.**

**L: I didn't agree to that.**

**Light: neither did I.**

**I know all you secrets and you will do as I say or I will tell everyone AND make you sleep in separate rooms.**

**L&Light: O.O don't hurt us**

**Me: If you have any ideas I would love to hear them just click the pretty review button. **

**Sorry I'm hyper right now and I'm starting to ramble so that's all for now)**


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